Jack was a nice beardy guy on tinder.
Genevieve was a slightly mean-spirited tinder troll, whose hair kept changing color.
J thought G looked cute but couldn’t get what was going on with the hair so he asked her about it. G said in Latin “Bis repetita, placent” a little originality, please because she had no time for superficiality on tinder. (Tinder, as we know, is a place of great depth and intellect.)
J diligently googled “bis repetita placent” and decided she could have been ruder. G worked hard to be ruder. Over the next few days she was rude in both Latin and English. J, on the other hand, was a well-mannered angel.
G began to sense that this guy J might just be the best non-robot on the internet and contrived to meet him for a drink.
...
J said in his well-mannered way, “The problem is I’m leaving New York forever in about three weeks. I’m going to this amazing place called Philadelphia. They care a lot about football there. Have you heard of it?”
G said, “Football? Never! Hey, listen, I don’t care if you’re moving; I’d really like to meet you.” J said, “Ok. I’ll make room in my very important lawyer man schedule.” (He said it just like that.)
…
They went to a bar in J’s neighborhood where J saw a redhead who wasn’t very cute. This, as it turned out, was not G. Phew! J was so thankful and relieved G was G, he listened to her talk about Greek mythology for several hours.
G was also relieved. J was taller than a tinder guy had any right to be and way more interested in Greek mythology than 99% of lawyers, or in fact people.
They decided to get together. They dated. They talked a lot, I mean a lot a lot. J thought G knew a fair amount of unnecessary but fascinating information, mainly about medieval literature. G thought the same about J, mainly about having credit cards and drivers’ licenses, and how to cook edible food.
Besides talking, they played chess (both very badly), listened to podcasts, and were horribly disappointed by politics. Together, they watched all of Deadwood, and agreed they had not watched enough Deadwood. (Damn you, 2007-8 writers' strike!)
A year or so later G moved from New York to Philadelphia. She thought this would be a hard transition to make because (among other reasons) she didn't understand what a "sports" was. It took J several months of explaining about touchpoints and goalbaskets, but in the end G totally totally got it. Long story short, G fell in love with Philadelphia. (It's a way better city than Austin or Denver, Amazon, if you're even reading this.)
…
That Christmas the couple rescued a tabby cat named Starbuck, who was essentially a killing machine. J cleaned up a lot of dead mice and G was very happy. Next they rescued a puppy named Pretzel, who was essentially a puppy, and they both completely lost their minds.
...
G and J now live happily in Philadelphia in a house they (and Starbuck the cat) own, where they cook elaborate dinners, avoid other people, and take pictures of Pretzel the puppy all day.
The end
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